Peaches Pays a Midnight Visit

Wednesday, March 30, 2016

Monday night, I awoke to the sound of banging on my front door. What initially bewildered me was that Will did not wake up. Who could sleep with that horrid noise? With trepidation, I answered the door.

There was no one there. I swiftly shut it again. Snap! I looked down where the sound had come from, and understood, no longer afraid, but annoyed. Half a candy cane lay broken off on the threshold. I turned on the hallway light and opened the door once again.

Peaches stood there, shaking the other half of the candy cane in his tiny hamster fist and delivered a squeaky harangue about how I should have mentioned him on my about page. Because after all, I had mentioned the hairless ghost lemur, had I not? Was he not my pet too since I had married Will?

I pointed out that since he spends the bulk of his time in his inter-dimensional lab, he doesn’t actually live with me, but all that got me was a jab to the ankle with the broken candy cane top. I may have a scar when it heals. I swear, if I were not a vegan and if my husband would allow it, I would stomp that little bugger off the face of ALL dimensions!

Peaches and I have never had a great relationship. When my husband and I were dating, Peaches took it upon himself to stalk me. Apparently he thought to keep Will “safe” from me, in case I turned out to be a psycho or something. If there is any psycho in this situation, it is the hamster with the addiction to sugar-free candy canes made in China!

He used to have a regular candy cane addiction, but Will worried about his health and switched him over to sugar-free ones. That was before either of them met me, so Will didn’t realize how harmful artificial sweeteners could also be. Anyway, I think all that blasted sucralose he ingests has addled his brain. Will says he hasn’t noticed any difference in him though, so maybe he was just always a lunatic.

Peaches says that the best sugar-free candy canes are made in China. Evidently he used to be able to get perfectly acceptable normal candy canes in other dimensions, but China as we know it does not exist in other dimensions. He teleports to China directly to buy them, because it’s cheaper to get them there than wait for them to be shipped here, and he says they’re fresher. He buys a LOT, so the savings are substantial.

In any case, I have a tendency to forget about Peaches because he has never actually lived with me, which is good because he and my hairless ghost lemur don’t get along either. In fact, I don’t think he gets along with anyone but Will. He runs an inter-dimensional stalking business. He calls himself a detective, but that implies a high degree of professionalism that he does not possess.

I agreed to mention Peaches on my website and invited him in for hot chocolate, thinking to calm him down, but apparently my “slamming” the door in his face was too much for him. He stormed off (scurried, more like), telling me he had to pick up his order of candy canes from China and get back to the lab.

He will, no doubt, read this and be miffed at me again, but I don’t care anymore. I’m done trying to get along with him. Peaches, if you’re reading this, know that I have updated my about page, and if you have any other complaints, I would prefer that you email me or come to visit during daylight hours rather than banging on my door in the middle of the night.

I still don’t get how something so small could make such a huge ruckus. I suppose it was some sort of other-worldly technological wizardry, like a synthetic sound delivered straight to my brain, since Will didn’t hear it. What I don’t completely understand is why he bothered knocking at all, since he could have just teleported himself inside. I suspect that he did it because he knew it would annoy me, but it could have just been another one of his lapses of idiocy.

In other news, I have more or less decided that I’m not going to blog during April, since I think that Camp NaNoWriMo and my other responsibilities are just a touch more important and will be sucking up large quantities of my time. I may change my mind I suppose, but right now I’m thinking that I won’t unless I finally get my hair cut or something crazy happens for my birthday.

Camp prep has been going well. The end of the month has snuck up on me, however, and I’m rushing to get everything ready to go in time. I’ve read all of my library books and returned them. During April I’m thinking I’ll keep my reading to fun short books that I own, like manga, and maybe some books on writing. I still need to finish listening to Clockwork Princess too, or it'll be distracting me. There are one or two things I still need to do to the website and blog, but hopefully those will be quick fixes. I plan to spend the bulk of tomorrow rereading A Nobody’s Tale and my revision notes, just to get it in the forefront of my mind again. I am a terrible procrastinator.

I hope you’re all doing well and charging ahead in your own creative pursuits. Don’t forget to sleep. Even if my hairless ghost lemur haunts you in your dreams, haunted sleep is better for you than no sleep!

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